2008-08-26 - 1:22 p.m.
Embarrassing moment number 1,635,298 happened about a month ago. I went to the doctor because I was turning into some freak of nature with a rash on my upper body and it wouldn’t go away. Ironically, the only part that itched was my boobs. Go figure. Anyway, I get two scripts to fill (creams) and was instructed to bathe every other day instead of everyday and to put mineral oil where the rash is at. They may as well have told me to roll around in oily poop everyday instead. So, I dropped off the scripts at the pharmacy and they told me to just go through drive-thru to pick them up and that they’d grab the mineral oil and have it with my order. I went and did my thing for a half an hour and went back. I pulled up to the window and this really hot dude comes to the window. I tell him my name and he comes back with one box of something and asked if I only had one script. I told him I had two and thing of mineral oil to pick up. He looks down at the box (it wasn’t in a bag!) and I swear to god he looked up and smirked at me. WTF?!?! Don’t get me wrong he was really nice, but every time he came to the window to let me know of the progress he’d have this big grin on his face like he wanted to bust out laughing. Stupid jerk. My face was bright red the whole time and I had to wait for like 15 minutes until everything was ready because they couldn’t read the doctor’s handwriting. So, I finally get my scripts and mineral oil – still not in a bag! – and he’s still grinning like a dummy and I’m still like What The Fuck, Dude. I pay and pull off, stop, look down to read the labels on the scripts which say really big to “Apply to Rash Twice Daily”. Fuck. Then I pick up the mineral oil to read about that because I had no fucking idea what that shit was. The way the doctor explained it to me was that it was like an unscented baby lotion except it was oil. Okaaaaay. Well. Right on the front label it says “Mineral Oil – Lubricant Laxative”. Not only did it seem like I have some crazy rash, but it also seemed like I was a constipated mess. No wonder the dude had a smirk on his face the whole time. And, of course he had to be hot. Oh, the injustice of it all.
Talking about constipation brings me to embarrassing moment number 1,635, 299 which happened today. I’ve been feeling a little bloated and my belly has been doing a weird rumbley thing. And (TMI, TMI!!!) things haven’t been regular for a couple days even though I have been getting my fair share of fiber. I’m going camping this weekend and I want everything to be working smoothly if you know what I mean. There’s nothing worse than being constipated or having tummy problems when you’re camping. So, on my lunch break I went the local drugstore to pick up some (OMG, I can’t believe I’m telling this) shhhhhhhhh!!!! Laxatives. Because, for the life of me I could not find the fucking box I had at home from last year (or was it the year before?) when I had to take a really embarrassing and extremely invasive scope test. Ahem. So, I go up to the counter and put the box face down with the scanning bars facing the lady. At this point some guy gets in line behind me and wants to chat and then a few more people get in line. Fucking great!!! I thought. The lady then proceeds to hold the fucking box in the air as she’s trying to find the fucking smokes that I asked her for. (Yeah, I’m still smoking.) Then she double scans the medicine, pulls the box up again waving it around the scanner for everyone to see and the proceeds to tell me that she double scanned the medicine. I’m like, whatever, just put the shit in the goddamn bag! This wouldn’t have happened if I was buying a card or shampoo or even some fucking tampons. It had to happen when I was buying some damn laxatives.
It’s like every time I hit a car in a parking lot there is always someone IN the car or people standing around to witness the act so I can’t just drive off. Don’t hate, I’m just being honest here. Plus, I’m not talking about dents or anything major, just a scratch or two. What about all the assholes that have scratched my car up by opening doors into my car?!??? I have only witnessed it once and there are AT LEAST ten scratches on my car from things like that. Then there are the fifty or so from my damn dog jumping on it, but I’m at the point where I just don’t even care anymore. There’s no way to make my car look pretty anymore so I’ve given up. I quit washing it a year ago.
I just have the worst luck ever.
